Height Competition Among Men — cultivating greatness

As a female leadership coach, I have a front-row seat at the careers of many powerful businessmen. And due to the nature of my work, I have been granted access to their backstage. This has given me some line of sight into their world.

One of the interesting things I have learned about “the world of powerful businessmen” is how intense and primal the competition is among them. And when I say primal, I mean that even a man’s physical nature plays a role in his career.

The topic of height comes up fairly often in my coaching conversations with businessmen. Both taller and shorter men mention their height either in passing - embedded in their stories - or explicitly in their considerations about making their way. Their experiences give color and texture to recent social-psychological research conducted at the Universities of Virginia and Iowa, confirming that height has a statistically significant impact on a man’s earnings.*

The Bias Against Shorter Men

While it is not precisely clear what is considered “short” and “tall” in terms of feet and inches, Kyle** considers himself to be “short” at 5’8”. As CEO of one of the top ten high-growth firms in his industry, he shares his experience of being a shorter businessman:

“There is a social ladder driven by height, a social norm that favors tall men. It feels like a judgment being attributed to your stature, a ladder of inference about your abilities, strength, and power. Shorter males are perceived as weaker, less confident, less fit for survival. Shorter men are not perceived as natural leaders. This plays out in the big corporations where you see tall men at the top and very few shorter men.***”

Kyle shares that, although height shows up more in social settings than in business settings where people are more constrained in what they say, he has nevertheless experienced height-related aggression at work.

“It often comes down to micro moments, decisions being made, taller people using weaponry to their advantage. People make small jabs here and there. They make fun of shorter men, joking around with minor put downs. It’s subtle and even subconscious, but it can be subversive. A lot of attacks can be indirect, but they can also be very explicit. I remember a recent conversation at work about men and height. One colleague was a man who stands at 6’3”. The other colleague was a woman who was talking about how tall her dad is and how tall her brother is and how tall her husband is, as if it were a badge. And there I was, not fitting the mold of what society says is tall. Honestly, I felt uncomfortable. I am the CEO, and I felt uncomfortable. It makes you wonder, what would this conversation have been like for a shorter man who is junior-level or a middle manager? “

This kind of thing repeated throughout one’s career can do a number on a shorter man’s mindset. Kyle reveals that,

“when you’re being judged next to a tall person as a short male, it’s easy to have biologically based insecurities. You get the feeling that society wants the tallest strongest males because the strongest males survive. It can make you feel insecure. When you sit at the table alongside taller people, there can be a visceral feeling of being “less than” because of your height. It is something I have had to work with.”

Tall Guy Privilege

‘Tall-guy privilege’ is a deeply held assumption held that tall men are more confident, more athletically talented, more likely to “survive” because they are stronger, and superior leaders than shorter men. “It’s like white privilege,” says Kyle.

John,** CEO of a privately owned firm in the middle of a turnaround, talks about the advantage he has enjoyed for being tall (he stands at 6’2”). Early in his career he worked at a large multinational, where being tall, big, and athletic was the ideal type. “Having those features enabled career progression, more senior roles, and more money. So, I kind of played into that, using these traits to my advantage. And it worked.”

Many other tall leaders share that having a big presence has made a positive difference for them, as well. Their larger physique is more commanding, people pay more attention to what they say, and others follow more readily.

That said, being tall also has a downside. Others can try to “bring down” the big guy, leading to attacks of a different nature.

Brendan,** a serial entrepreneur and CEO of several businesses, including a real estate development firm and communication systems consultancy, stands at 6’3”. He explains that,

“it’s that age-old concept, the idea of the ‘king.’ There is a human desire to take down the king. And it happens with put-downs, verbal attacks, and the betrayal of confidences, using things I have said against me behind my back with other people. It just happened to me the other day. There is a desire to see someone perceived to be on top topple down.”

Brendan also shares that his height creates difficulties for him in forming trusted relationships with men.

“People want to be close to me and be a friend because of my physical traits. It’s kind of fraudulent. It makes it hard to trust people, and it taints the initial moment of meeting someone and trying to integrate that person into your life. You wonder, ‘is he trying to get something from me? Is there really any authenticity to these interactions?’ It gets in the way of experiencing authentic friendship.”

John further indicates that, while he was able to get ahead professionally in part due to his height, it required taking on some aspects of the ‘Tall Guy Persona’ that went against his nature. “Being loud, aggressive, and demanding was expected. That was not my nature. I am actually a sensitive person.” Pressure to behave this way was painful and inauthentic for him, leading to behaviors that hurt others and himself.

Overcoming the Bias Against Short Men

Overcoming the societal bias against shorter men requires one to fortify critical skills and attitudes that, in turn, enhance one’s success in business.

Kyle advises others to do as he did:

· cultivate resiliency

· work harder to prove yourself and gain respect

· use mind control to ensure positive thinking and a productive inner talk track

· refuse to fall into a victim mindset by challenging those who attack you for being short

· stand up for yourself

· consciously cultivate confidence, and

· deliberately surround yourself with supportive people

He says,

“it can be overcome. I overcame it by confidence building. I sought out successful men who are shorter, like Michael Bloomberg and Steven Schwarzman. I surrounded myself with people who do not judge me on height. I learned that if I let that insecure thought in the door, I will expend energy on something negative and then it becomes a weakness. Instead, I say to myself, “I’m sitting at the table just like anyone else. Everyone is equal here, and I’ll just put out my best like anyone else.” I battle against negative thoughts about my height. I talk it off the ledge, build myself up with positivity, gratitude, and confidence in what I have, a commitment to self-improvement and to being the best I can be, and not allowing an immutable trait to derail me from anything.”

Overcoming the Dark Side of Tallness

It took a lot of time and work for John to separate from the social expectations of his prior multi-national ‘Culture of the Tall Guy,’ and to stop playing into success as defined by the company. He engaged in deep self-reflection, brutal self-honesty, and critical evaluation of his life to realize how unhappy he was conforming to the tall aggressive guy prototype from which his career benefited. He finally acknowledged the personal cost he was paying by manufacturing a professional character that was different than his true nature. As a result, he left the multi-national firm and found a place where his true self can flourish.

Brendan’s strategy for dealing with the challenges of his big stature include conscious, deliberate behaviors that tone down the impact of his height.

“People are already intimidated by you when you just walk into the room, so you have to be softer. The main mechanism is to speak softly. You have to speak slowly; communication has to be slow and clear, but not patronizing. Your mannerisms need to be a little muted. Arm movement, eye movement, you have to refrain from continual eye contact. You can’t be staring at someone because it swallows them. When walking – you have to moderate your gait to take shorter strides. Everything has to be slowed down and you have to kind of give off the impression of being average sized in order to help others feel more comfortable. You have to listen more than you talk. You have to be concise with your words. You have to be the gentle giant. Slow and deliberate. And you have to smile but it can’t be forced, and it can’t be patronizing. It’s a constant performance.”

He says that it helps if you can find a highly trusted number two:

“You might want to find a huge advocate, a Consiglieri, whom you enjoy as a person and who enjoys you. That will allow you to bounce stuff off this person in those moments. They can be around, observing, and giving you signals about how to manage the other people.”

Ending the Divisiveness of Height

Peering into the world of successful businessmen as an outsider, I honor the intensity of male competition and feel compassion for what they cope with day-in and day-out, just as a matter of course. Yet, I also wonder, is this height-based competition at all relevant to running a business? I mean, we’re not playing professional basketball here.

How much energy and productivity would be unleashed if we bypassed this primal competition and instead focused more on sorting traits that matter to leadership? What would it take to change this paradigm, to move towards higher trust and easeful collaboration among men? It might be a lot more fun for everybody - tall, short, and anywhere in between.

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* Recent social-psychological research confirms this: a study published in PsyPost.org conducted by scholars at the Universities of Virginia and Iowa found that “a man’s stature has a positive effect on family income.” Body Shape Matters: Evidence from Machine Learning on Body Shape-Income Relationship https://www.psypost.org/2021/08/deep-machine-learning-study-finds-that-body-shape-is-associated-with-income-61683

** My clients have given explicit permission to share their stories and experiences in this article. All names and details about their companies are changed in order to preserve confidentiality.

*** Research confirms this, showing that taller men tend to lead the larger multinational corporations while shorter men tend to have more success in entrepreneurial leadership, like startups and smaller businesses. Why Shorter People Make Better Entrepreneurs, Inc.com https://www.inc.com/john-warrillow/the-surprising-role-height-plays-in-your-potential-as-a-leader.html