Recovering From a Toxic Business Culture
Businesspeople who have been successful at large, hierarchical, highly competitive corporations are attractive senior candidates for smaller firms with big growth ambitions. Such individuals often have a strong grasp of strategy, know how to execute, and understand larger-organizational practices, exactly what earlier-stage and smaller firms want.
However, when some of these leaders are recruited into such top jobs, they can soon discover that the aggressive leadership style they were “raised on” is too harsh for a more relational, smaller environment. And after experiencing the latter for the first time in their careers, they quickly realize just how toxic their former experiences actually were.
Anthony* learned “survival leadership” skills in order to succeed at Company A, a well-known and broadly admired multinational corporation. “If you behaved in a loud, aggressive, pointed, and demanding way - whether or not that is who you actually are as a person - you got promoted, you got more money. So, I manufactured a ‘persona’ to fit those expectations. I played that game and it worked.” Explaining how toxic peer culture was in particular, he says that “if you had a meeting and a peer was there, he would try to make you look like an idiot. So, you learned to go into meetings prepared, to have your act together,” to be ready for an attack and capable of responding to it. Anthony thus developed a defensive-offensive interaction style, a style he later applied in his first C-level leadership position at a firm with a different culture, Company B, assuming that this was just the way leadership was done. He confesses that, “at Company B, I was angry and dismissive and aggressive with peers. My colleagues would ask me questions and I would take the attitude of ‘who are you to tell me what I should be doing with my area of responsibility? I’m smarter than everyone here … haven’t we talked about this before? Why can’t we get something done? Is this topic really any of your business, do you have a right to say that?’ I just had difficult behaviors and mistrusted others.”
This was around the time that command-and-control leadership was going out of style, when collaboration and authentic leadership began to come into vogue.
Unlike at Company A, where these behaviors moved him ahead, at Company B they alienated others and undermined his leadership. He also soon realized that this “manufactured persona” was very different from whom he truly was inside. That “survival leadership style,” he says, “created a lot of pain and anxiety in my life. It was a false narrative, and it resulted in me feeling disconnected from others. I am actually a sensitive person. I do not like making other people feel bad.”
Thus, Anthony started his detoxification process and the learning of a more enrolling, empathic, inspiring style of leading people and creating culture. Leadership coaching was only one of the mechanisms by which he started to recover from his toxic business experiences.
“I finally gave myself permission to invest time in me. I took up boxing to physically get some energy out (hitting bags, not people). I practiced breathing exercises, started journaling to get the negative talk tracks out of my head, and began a gratitude practice. I read 100 books on happiness, emotional health, how to find your best self, emotional management, Deepak Chopra, The Four Promises. I worked with a therapist. I committed to distancing myself from people in my life who were negative or triggering. I was determined to do the best I can with my kids, and if I miss something at work that’s ok, because from now on my kids come first.” He focused on self-awareness, becoming conscious of when he was triggered by another person’s behavior or a difficult situation. “I catch [my triggered state] quickly and shut down [my] bad behaviors. I identify the trigger, start processing and deliberating and getting into the place from which I prefer to operate,” rather than behaving reactively and unproductively. “If I am triggered, I will shut down a meeting and go for a walk. I built a [support] system around me. I talk to people, to my coach, to trusted colleagues. I changed my diet and exercise habits. I do everything I can to stay in an emotionally centered place. I sleep. I used to sit up drinking red wine until 11 p.m. Now I go to bed at 9:00 and get up at 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. every day.”
As a result of this deep transformation, he is now more willing to trust. He has chosen to work at a company with a high-trust culture and with trustworthy colleagues, at a company that aligns with his own values, where he is now CEO. He uses techniques to ground himself and ascertain others’ emotional needs and behaviors rather than just immediately reacting to them. He is willing to receive and digest feedback, and to incorporate it into a more intentional leadership style.
What You Can Do to Heal from a Toxic Culture
While Anthony’s story is not unique, it is also not universal. Not everyone goes through this kind of experience. That said, if you are coming out of a harsh work experience and moving into a healthier, more relational organization, you may wish to consider the following:
Be observant and a bit quieter than you normally would be in group settings - at first. Notice the rules of engagement, how people communicate. Are these similar to or different than your prior company?
Request a 360 review at the six-month mark in your new role. You will learn how others perceive you and how your style gels or conflicts with the new culture. Then you can make critical course corrections in order to move towards the end of your first year in a better place.
Work with a leadership coach to identify and change fundamental beliefs about your ‘formula for success,’ which was built in a harsher environment. Create a new ‘formula for success’ by observing successful individuals in the new culture. You do not need to adapt in order to completely “fit in,” especially if you have been hired to change or propel the organization to a new level of performance. However, you may wish to make those organizational changes using different leadership techniques.
Most importantly, be gentle with yourself and apply self-compassion. You lived through a challenging situation and have come out on the other side. The more compassion you apply to yourself and the less self-critical you are, the gentler your leadership style will become. This does not mean you will no longer be accountable, hold others accountable to high standards, or drive results. You will just do all that with a more enrolling, inspiring style.
“It is so common,” says Deborah Koehler, an executive coach for over30 years. “I have seen how some ultra-competitive companies impact their leaders. The culture at these places is so harsh and inhumane. It takes a real toll on the individual. Those leaders go home every night, drink three Brandies. After years and years of this, their health and wellness become compromised.”
Fortunately for Anthony, he is on his way towards a more relational and effective leadership style, and a healthier way of living and working.
*Note: This is case is based on my work with a client (“Anthony”) who has given me permission to share this part of his/her story. The names and some details have been changed to preserve confidentiality, which is a cornerstone of my leadership coaching practice.